Pixie Dust

Maybe you’ve heard the saying, “when you know better than you do better”. It’s simple and makes sense but we all know it’s not always easy to follow. Just last week, for instance, I swear a part of my brain went missing because I found myself tackling activities that I know I should not do.

Stairs. I’m talking about stairs, a whole bloomin’ flight of them!

Here’s the thing – on a good day, I might be able to do one step with my walker and not suffer extra pain as a result, but two, now that would be pushing my luck. This is not new information; I’ve used a walker for 15 years and a scooter for 30 years. Given this reality, why did I suddenly think I could manage to do a long flight of stairs, twice a day over a long weekend?

Maybe, I thought being determined would provide me with magical powers.

Like Peter Pan, I had faith and trust but sadly I lacked his pixie dust.

After one trip up and one trip down my body went into lockdown. It was clear there would be NO gain from this pain. My weekend excursion came to an abrupt halt and forced me to head for the comforts of my own home.

What was I thinking?

I was feeling nostalgic simply because I was visiting a long-time friend. Also, there was a time when I could wangle my way up and down that same staircase. At this point, however, it’s safe to say that ship has now sailed.

I was annoyed that I caused myself unnecessary pain; a hotel would be the appropriate option. A part of me was tempted to berate myself but I paused long enough to see that would only make matters worse. Instead, I soaked in the comfort of my accessible home and appreciated feelings of ease as they slowly surfaced.

Nostalgia increases feelings of social connectedness to others and I think that desire was larger in my thoughts than the reality of my physical limitations.

Accepting change whether it’s due to age, finances, health, abilities, losses etc. is never easy. This past weekend I was reminded that acceptance is a fluid concept.

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