Honest and respectful dialogue is always good for relationships, but things can go south quickly when tone and content leans toward nasty, blame-shame conversations. No one likes to be “should upon”! When that occurs mutual trust tarnishes and people either lash back or shrink away from one another.
I’m all for self-expression but there is a difference between respectful constructive criticism and down right nasty-pants no-holds-barred attacks! I’m sure we’ve all experienced and expressed both. It’s easy to bite the emotional hook of an argument and fall into, “oh yay, what about… blah blah” in defence. Relationships are not easy but we all know the power that a kind word or two can inspire.
As a rule, I try (key word is try) to adhere to the adage, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”
Of course this can be difficult to achieve in our outer world, I do think it is something we need to take to heart when we self-talk about ourselves. I don’t know about you, but I admit there was a time when self-denigration ran rampant in my thoughts. My disability and the frustrations of my limitations made me easy pickings, even for me! I would say things to myself that I would not dream of saying to another person.
I shutter to think about it now, but I can tell you that once I shed that nasty habit my life improved on many levels.
It certainly does take more effort on days when I’m not feeling bright and chipper (happens to us all) but that’s when my best friend in the mirror gives me “a talkin’ to” and reminds me that she is listening.
Speak to yourself with kindness because you are listening.
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No two people are alike, and that would include people who live with a disability. Yet, if there is one common denominator shared amongst them all, I would venture to say it would be feelings associated with shame.
Of course, we don’t need a reminder to love our mothers but, from what I can see, today’s the day to let her know.
How can I do that?
Discomfort is a big distraction, and, today, it is demanding my attention. I swear that my foot is eight times larger than usual. How do you lean into pain and what does that even mean?